ࡱ> <>;c 5jbjbSS "D111] "dffffff,ddJ8Jd`dd _(pdNew to the Neighborhood from The Improper Bostonian magazine, October 2003 Do Bostonians deserve their reputation for standoffishness and indifference to "outsiders"? Newcomers to the city tell it like they see it. By Caitlin O'Neil Like people, cities get reputations: shallow, glamorous Los Angeles; sophisticated, fast-talking New York; bohemian San Francisco. Boston is known as both brash and clannish, a place where people are as loyal to their cronies as they are to their families. But is the city still the insular enclave of John Collins Bossidy's 1910 toast, "Where the Lowells talk to the Cabots/And the Cabots talk only to God?" Or do the natives look more kindly on newcomers these days? To find out, we spoke to some men and women who've moved to Boston in recent years. The Welcome Wagon Newcomers quickly learn that Boston is a town of tradition, tight ties and testiness. The locals' loyalty to the way it's always been can make them seem off-putting and old-fashioned, but it's often this same pride of place that many newcomers hope to share eventually. For California native Kerry Williams' 32, Boston has more historic value than the West Coast. "It has a sense of community and seems to combine the old with the new," she says. But her fellow Golden Staters couldn't see the draw. "When I told people back home that I wanted to move here, they said, 'Why do you want to go to New England? It's cliquey and rude and not open." She moved here from San Jose on Labor Day 2001 and quickly found the opposite to be true. "People often go out of their way to bust the stereotype. I met a guy at a garden party who is also a runner. Before the night was over, he'd invited me to run with a group that meets at Niketown on Wednesday nights." "I thought people would be rude, fast paced and disrespectful," adds chiropractor Jeremy Tietgen, 26, from Kansas City, Kan. But he wound up feeling welcome even before he'd moved in. Taking a break from apartment hunting one afternoon, he stopped into the Waterfront Bar in the North End. "I was trying to decide between two studio apartments, one $1,200 and one $1,030. Apartments are $300 a month in the Midwest, so l had no way to know what might be better. The owner of the bar had me read out the listings and told me which was the better neighborhood for my money." Williams has a similar story from her first day on Beacon Hill. "I had trouble getting a piece of furniture into my apartment," she says. "I went to the True Value on Cambridge Street looking for a saw. The owner was very friendly. When he found out what I needed it for, he said, 'Why don't you just borrow it and bring it back?' That surprised me." Many newcomers from the larger cities of the South and West say they were surprised to find how easily they made connections here and credit Boston's small neighborhoods and walkable streets. "I didn't realize how 'small town-y' it really was for a big-name city," says recent Chicago transplant Samar Sen, 24. He says he immediately liked "the narrow, cobbled streets and the fact that you could walk everywhere. It reminded me of my days in London and traveling around Europe." Laura Howenstine, 34, arrived in June 2001 from Houston, where "you have to drive everywhere," she says. "Houston is a place where there's not a lot of community. I wanted to live in a real, traditional city." The Oklahoma native says that Boston has filled the bill. "If I'm out running in the morning, people chat on the street and shout out 'Five miles, way to go!' I think the South End is a very friendly place; there's a lot of community in general. I feel like I know more of my neighbors here." "People will tell you differently, but I've had good experiences in Boston," says Howenstine. "I was in the South End one day, hanging around looking at places, and I went to the Garden of Eden for a cup of tea and a baguette. I started chatting with the waiter. I told him I was looking for a job, looking to live in the South End. He wouldn't let me pay for breakfast. Another morning this past winter, I was walking to my car and a middle-aged woman driving past rolled down her window and said, 'Do you need a ride somewhere? You look really cold."' Others find the scale of a colonial city familiar but haven't found the community connections they left behind. "The street where we lived in Philadelphia was small, out of the way, and everyone knew each other. People would meet on the street and look through your front window and say, 'I like what you've done with the place,"' says Greg Durkin, 39, who moved to the South End in June 2002 with his partner, Jeff Goldsmith, 33. "People talk of the South End being a real community. We've found that people are friendly within our building but it ends at the door. You'll see the sane people on the street every day, walking their dogs and going to the store, and they don't say hi." Durkin and Goldsmith say that they don't consider Bostonians to be unfriendly; rather, they don't seem especially outgoing. "An acquaintance of ours told me people in Boston won't talk to you for three years. Then, bang! After three years, they start talking to you," says Goldsmith. "Because people have been here forever, they have well-established friends and don't need new ones." "People are definitely not as friendly here as they are in the South. I've had several people here tell me that I am incredibly friendly, and I'm not even trying to be," says Lauren McDonald, 22, who moved east from Dallas last July. Mike Hodgson, 31, a New Yorker who has been living and working in Cambridge for the past year and a half, says that Bostonians are a tough crowd to befriend because they're out of practice. "My impression is that few people in New York stay there for their whole lives. So in a sense, everyone is new," he says. "In Boston, people have been here forever. There is a tendency to stick to people and places they know, stick to traditions, stick with their friends. They're all set." On the Town When it comes to friends and lovers, what newcomers find in Boston cam depend on where they're looking. With a social scene that runs the gamut from bar crawl to charity ball, Boston's love of tradition is always apparent. Familiar faces and favorite bars rule the day. "From the little I've seen, [Boston]'s more down-to-earth than D.C.," says Bessmarie Moll, 26, who moved here from Washington, D.C., to take a job at The Atlantic Monthly. "People don't go to get drinks and ask, 'What are you doing now? Where are you working? It's more, 'What's going on with your family. It just feels so much more human." "In Boston, I expected to find people with ducks on their pants, in plaid shorts, with 'Jr.' and 'Sr.' and numbers after their names, people who summered in Woonscket. Preppy, WASPy folks wearing their Docksiders out to the boating party," says Hodgson. "There is an element of that, but it's more eclectic than I expected." Still, he finds people in Boston are also "less jokey, less open than people in New York," where people are ready for the strange, the odd, the unexpected. But he also en joys what he sees as a challenge. "People are so not used to talking to strangers here that it's kind of fun to throw people off." Sen agrees that Bostonians aren't big on change. '`The bar and club scene here is very strange, I have to admit," he says. "It's always Tia's after work, Caprice on Monday, Pravda on Wednesday, Venu on Friday. Because of this, you seem to run into people all the time. This was never the case for my network in Chicago, because we would go to a different place every weekend of the year and not know anyone." Such lockstep partying patterns can even make it difficult for newcomers to meet new people. "The dating scene leaves a little to be desired because everyone knows everyone," says Sen, who says he finds Boston women unapproachable. "I have noticed a lot of 'old money' princess types who project a very stuck-up and intimidating stance." But one man's ice princess is another man's straight shooter. "People are more honest here," says Tietgen. "You buy a girl a drink and talk to her, and she will be direct about whether she really wants to talk to you or not." Women who are new to Boston, on the other hand, say they find Boston men more accessible. "I've found men more outgoing here than in San Francisco," says Katie Eagan, 27, a survivor of the Silicon Valley technology boom and bust. "Here they'll come right out and ask for your number." Williams says that in her experience it's been easier to meet men than women. "Women are more competitive in Boston. They see you as the competition. But generally I find that if you are friendly to people, they will open up." How friendliness turns into friendship is a more complex question. Durkin tells of a promising meeting at Laurel in the Back Bay on a crowded Friday night. "We sat at the bar with a group of guys, chatted and exchanged business cards. They said, 'Let's get together sometime.' But we never heard from them." "A friend of mine years ago said that the older you are when you move somewhere, the more urgency you have to settle down and make friends," says Goldsmith. "But the people already living wherever you've moved don't have that urgency. And we've found that to be true in Boston." Until new friendships are formed, newcomers can always fly solo. "I feel very comfortable doing stuff alone here," says Hodgson, who frequents Cambridge haunts like the Enormous Room, the B-Side Lounge and the 1369 Coffee House in Central Square. "There are lots of weird, loner academics in Cambridge. So there's a quirk factor that makes it OK to be alone.' Fitting In But what is a Bostonian anyway? In a city that has attracted so many "outsiders," so-called natives may be shouldering too much of the credit or blame for the impression that the city makes on newcomers. "When people say people are unfriendly in the Northeast, I think that's less true in big cities because they attract people from everywhere," says Howenstine. In Boston, she says, "chances are you're talking to someone who's not from Boston. If you're talking to me, you're talking to someone from Oklahoma." Mark Schwitau, an Air Force first lieutenant and a transplant from San Antonio, Texas, has also found the city more varied than he expected. "Actually, I don't know many people in Boston who are from Boston," he says. "Eighty percent of my friends aren't from here." Which raises the question: If newcomers are befriending each another, where else could the locals be but together? Have they succeeded in closing themselves off without anyone being the wiser? Katie Martin, 33, who returned to the East Coast after living in Boulder, Colo., and Menlo Park, California, believes that there is an old Boston network, but with some effort newcomers can gain entry. "You have to get into the network somehow, and once you're in, you can meet lots of people," says Martin. "I feel that I'm just as guilty, going out with my friends from Colby [College] and not branching out. It's like a bad habit we all fall into." But Eagan disagrees. "I don't feel that I'm left out because I didn't go to school around here," she says. "I think it's harder to make friends in general at my age. I don't think it's particular to Boston." "People in Boston are set in their ways," says Goldsmith. Finding the social scene a bust, Durkin and Goldsmith have enrolled in a French class they heard about through one of Durkin's colleagues. They hope that by doing what they enjoy, they'll eventually find like-minded people who will become close friends. Schwitau also endorses that strategy. "There's so much to do, so many hobby groups to join Bongo drums or French classes. You just need to take the first step," he says. "If you're friendly, you can turn anywhere into a good place to meet people." Howenstine recently started lessons at the Boston Sailing Center, where she "met another whole group of people. I had a leer with my instructor and another classmate after class last night," she says. She's also met people through the Wharton Club of Boston, where she is now on the board. "If your school has an alumni club in Boston, that's helpful because you can plug into the scene. There's an instant connection." "What I've always found really helpful is finding people that were in the same boat I was," says Martin of her many moves to new cities. "It's not like you have to be lifelong best friends with them; you can explore the city together and find new things and be open to new things. If you can find a group of people who share your interests, I'd say that's the most important thing." 3K) **5OJQJ56OJQJ 5OJQJ KL)*9: % & HIjkcd@AKL)*9: % & HIjkcd@ALM| } ""M$N$l%m%Q&R&''(( * ***,,--//001122Y4Z45LALM| } ""M$N$l%m%Q&R&''(( * * ***,,--//001122Y4Z45 / =!"#$%egg A. StrausWendy A. TrelevenMary CampbellThomas A. Hallet Hilton DeanSuzanna MusickSteve J. GagnonHenrica C. VanderaaBetty R. Hollingshead Rachel Blatt Linda D. MoadKathleen R. AntuzziYolanda R. ReyesJudy A. 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